E*MO*TION B-Sides

1. There’s one song here that’s as good as any of the mediocre stuff on EMOTION (of which there’s plenty to choose from), and that’s “Higher.” Nice propulsive beat (though cluttered in the pre-chorus), decent vocals, OK chorus, OK bridge. It’s fine. Could have worked on E*MO*TION, better than something like “Black Heart” or “All That,” which were basically filler anyways. This one’s got a groove at least. I guess.

2. The rest goes in the recycling bin. “First Time” comes close to being bearable but is so gauzy and bland in its 80’s-ness (for lack of any better term) that it comes off more as a pastiche of that wretched, overproduced sound and less of a tribute. And since this criticism is also valid of every track here, specific badness: “The One”‘s awful, awful, awful-sounding synth-bass and irritatingly lazy percussion; “Fever”‘s shockingly boring chorus and boring lead-up to said chorus; “Body Language” being annoying as all hell, all grating keyboards, twangy guitar lines, and stomping percussion that make me feel like I’m being assaulted; “Cry”… oh, fuck this, you know what? This is boring. This EP sucks, you get it. Moving on.

3. Wait, actually, “Store” is the worst song in Jepsen’s career. Gotta mention that. Bad chorus. Bad bad bad bad bad. OK, now, onward:

4. And the sad part? How dated this sounds, despite having come out 5 days ago. In fact, it sounds like nothing at all, because once it’s over, there’s no lyrics or sounds or personality or anything at all for me to return to. Just like most 80’s pop music. Shocker.

[5. Half of these songs: read, 4/8, have the phrase “Stay the night” or similar phrasing in them. Lazy, lazy, lazy.]

 

C-

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